Me & Myself

this lj is closed !!

Sun, 24 May 2009 09:05:11 GMT

oh ! it feels wierd to be here b/c i havent updated this lj since forever!

i guess i wont update anymore this lj is closed .
thanks to whoever was reading this crappy updates >those dayes were over.

i'm thankful and happy as i am now i dont want to go bitching again , life is tooo short to waste it on bitching or to let anything small or stupid to hold me or stop me from continue my path to fulfil my wildest dreams i promise from now on i'll consentrate on my studies and appreciate the life i'm living .whoever is reading this now , pleas wish me luck .. Malak

About my New year .

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 11:35:35 GMT

Happy new year to whoever is reading this now.
wow.. 2008 is over already ! that was really fast i remember being sad that 2007 was ending and i wasent sure what to do in 2008!
alot of things happened ... GOOD things !
i started a complete new life (busy as hell one ) , i feel really diffrent .
i'm no longer the shy uncomfortable with the whole world girl that i used to be.
i'm more confidant in myself now , more powerful, more happy and ready to embrace life with a 100% energy !
being confidant is a true bliss .
now i will not care what OTHERS think about me ! i'm great ! why should i care if any one think so! the only thing matter is I my self think I am GREAT!!

WHOOOH i'll be 24 in 7 months ^_^ << THE OLDER THE WISER AND THE GREATER OFCOURSE! <3

Me & Myself..

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 05:18:14 GMT

wow ... i havent updated since forever!
lots of things going on lately.. just need to rant now,,, its happining again ... the darkness is crawling back into my life.. but i'm now recovering from it.. ive been absent for the last 2 days and i dont plan on showing up tomorrow..lots of people are mad at me for this .. but i will not go until sunday.
yesterday and the day before i was crying so hard for no apparent reason.. but i was really sad lately .. and to make it worst i didnt do will on my Arabic exam .. i havent cried like that for a long time i end up having a serious headache!
*sigh( i was the one bitching about not having a life and being useless ! now im bitching about lots of things happining i cant control anything and... sigh ..
not having control... or cant find balance in my life..?

RL IS A BITCH

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 14:59:19 GMT

i am f**king tired *_*

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 10:54:20 GMT

*cough* its been awhile havent wrote anything again .. nothing much going on .. just in the mood for ranting and some random things like usual... i've been working out alot lately yet i don't see any flat stomache *headdesk*
i stoped going to the dentist now i'll go again in October mybe.. *my dentist went to Turkey! yeah lots of people are going there nowadays * ..
and i went to the mall about 2 days ago it was really fun .. i bought a cream colored shirt blouse with tiny black dots .. its really elegant i plan to wear it with a short black skirt .. and i'll wear a brooch that shaped like a red rose ^_^ it really looked stylish and fancy ! can't wait to go out wearing my new blouse !
i've been drawn to things that looks fancy and more like 70s stuff, i collect alot of things from the same theme like clothes furnitures and accessories ..i even design some things myself *mybe i should have choosen something related to designing to study instead of studing Law! what a lousy lawer i would be LOL*
anyway.. my latest designes was a wooden key holder that had my name engraved in a teardrop .. while i was desinging it.. i started to wander about my own name * my name is Malak it means *Angel* in Arabic *.. will the irony of my fate that i was destained to carry such name while everything about me is the exact opposite of an Angel! and for people who know me in person .. i dont give Any Angelic vibes at all ! will i was givin that name by my dad .. he liked that name alot and actually wanted to name my older sister Malak .. but my grandfather interfered and he end up chooseing Maha *a beautiful raindeer * to name her .. so i was the next victim ! he named me very quick and signed papers and stuff before calling my grand parents! oh dad *headdesk*
will .. not that i'm mad at him for choosing such name .. but.. somehow.. i used to hate my name when i was younger.. because it wasent a common name and you don't hear it alot.. i dident like being special when i was younger.. it made me feel like a stranger! i used to wish i had an old common name like everybody else.. but as i grow up.. i started to like my own name, and i realize it really gave me power to love myself and be confidant and strong ..
so mybe i was given that name for a reason , as for now .. despite every badass behavior i pull out .. i'll still be called an Angel !! LOL

Me & Myself OMG!!

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 09:19:59 GMT

yesterday when i went to the dentist i nearly burst out laughing in the waiting room ! there was that girl who keeps looking at me and giving me this wierd looks and then she smiled at me !! LOL i know if i stayed a little longer she would probably come to sit in the empty seat next to me and ask for my number!!
i'm not a lesbo !! but i know i can be a chick magnet!! LOL ever since my time in high school i knew i had some *admirers!* and i used that very well by taking advanteg of them like my own *bitches!!* i even let them buy lunch for me and they will *happily* carry my things around!!

there was this one girl , who is really really pretty (i'm saying this because i dont know what exactly she saw in me!!??) but she abviously was in love with me -yes thats the only reason she will do all this - and even though i dident love my high school days that much i used to skip lots of days .. and when ever i show up the next day my class mates always tell me that this girl came to ask about me, and she will crash inside my classroom as soon as she heard the bell rings ,, and some girls told me they saw her waiting several times by the door of my classroom ... and she intentionally took bathroom breaks to walk near my classroom ?! that was weird but i never gave her extra attention mybe that was the cause of her madness X\
i remembered ..her friends hated me so much !! they always glare at me !!
i'm glad i graduated from that shi**y hole , i DID cut all ties with these girls .. they kept calling and text masseging me but i dident answer any of them .. i feel evil for not feeling alittle sorry for them !! i really dont care about them at all ! they will grow up and fall in love with Guys like god intended them to be! they dont need to love someone like me!

i just don't know what exactly - attract- these girls around me.. i never said or do anything or even wear something to let them think i'm -well- that way !
i'm STRIGHT and i only like guys! but i don't know why!???
mybe its because i was older than many girls in high school? or mybe it was my enviroment?( i live with 3 brothers !) but something really weird about me that attract girls and oh boy i hope i wont deal with this again in collage \*o*/

Happy Birthday to Myself !!

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 09:25:59 GMT

yesteday was my birthday .. i finally turned 23 ^_^
it wasent anything special.. i had an appointment with the dentist in the morning .. i dident sleep at all ... so i spent the rest of the day sleeping! when i woke up it was 11.pm ! i rushed to the kitchen and i made a chocolate cake to celebrate my own birthday !! and i even made a small note to wish myself a happy birthday and a happy life!!*pathatic!! so pathatic!!*
oh well.. its ok i wasent expecting anything from anyone at all :p !!
oh i'm sooooo lonely ! i hope this will change sooon !!

Writer's Block: Caring

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 07:59:50 GMT

that would be ME! but i'm not Selfish... there is diffrent between caring about yourself the most and being Selfish where you dont care about anything BUT yourself!!

Me & Myself and at last i'm feeling GOOD XD!!

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 08:41:13 GMT

Wipes the dust away again :P i'm one month away from my birthday.. i'll be turning 23 ^_^ it feels wierd somehow ! some good news happining here and here .. and finally i'm going to get a LIFE soon ^_^ BIG NEWS >> i decided to Study LAW ^_^ avhgdfgnfhrjmmi!! this is awesome ! and freaking wierd! and i'm so happy!! << and no i'm not high or drunk or anything ! Whooooo!

and i dicovered something new about myself ! i'm one hell of a belly dancer! My God This Is SO Random AND CRAZY ! LOL well yes i started practicing bellydancing awhile ago (a month and a half mybe) and it was really fun even though it was a bit hard at first .. but i'm really having fun dancing ^_^ i so happy i even feel good about my self now ^_^
i've been waiting for some crazy turns like this for sooo looong ! now i could say good bye to my previous boring life ^__^

Me & Myself

Tue, 13 May 2008 09:32:34 GMT

i was sitting with a bunch of girls the other day.. and somehow we just end up talking about guys and which type each of us like.. but i dident think that i'll get those looks from them when i started to talk about my favourite type !
well i admit my type could be diffrent from the other girls even though we all agreed on mascline chest and broad shoulders though ^_^ but i just have something for pretty and weak guys !i'm wierd and unique .. i get that alot :P
no really..
even when watching Anime or some movie i always fall for this pretty characters with dark abusive past or suffring from some major illness or something LOL ! my friends teased me alot because of that !
well i think the fact that i'm a cancer and i have this strong motherly feelings ! so i really tend to fall for chracters who is desperate and needs protection.. !
yeah .. i think thats pretty much explain everything.. :P
so my favourite guy would someone like... Kamenashi Kazuya mybe? or even Ueda Tatsuya LOL!!
yes.. i have something for girly guys too! some of the girls asked me if i was ok !! i hate facial hair too !!ROFL!!

Writer's Block: Where am I in the garden?

Tue, 13 May 2008 07:59:54 GMT

What vegetable or fruit do you relate to most?

View 502 Answers

an apple indeed!!

ROOT CANALS!!!

Sun, 04 May 2008 12:18:32 GMT

Why do * root canals * exist!??? if a *root canal* was a person i'm so sure i'll beat the crap out of him! or do worse! i went to the dentist again - wish i dident- and i had a root canal -_-' damn it hurt like hell .. the dentist wasent that nice to me either .. i was ready to scream at him but i lost my courage while crying! i swear he was molesting me too! he dropped his tools several times on my chest!! i want my old dentist back ! ( i had two dentist -female and male- i want the female back she is at least kind and she can till i'm in pain.. the male dentist is just bad,cruel , and pervert!! damn .. i cant eat or drink any thing now i have to wait at least 2 hours!
and my *lovely considrate family* brought lunch from Macdoalds! UGH!!

Me & Myself ..

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 10:32:34 GMT

long time since i last posted anything... there is some new stuff going on in my life lately .. but first i have to say that i hurt my self yesterday.. i was planing on cleaning our house and somehow i end up scratching my head very badly! i bend to remove the shoes to clean under them and when i lift my head i got scrached with the edge of the miror that was hanging there! there was so much bleeding .. but thank god i'm ok now (or at least i hope so... still worried about the hair i lost in that area :( )

any way.. about my cusin who will get married for the next time! i hope she isn't planing on having a big wedding party, cause i cant afford any fancy dresses now my white dress is finished and it looks really ugly i'm so not satisfied with it! sigh i spent a fortune on that dress why am i so unlucky when it come to dresses!!
oh.. i remebered going to that fancy shop a couple of days go .. there was that green lemon dress it was beautiful and i really liked it ! the problem is it's a little expensive for me now ( 900 SR) but it totally worth it! i may consider buying this dress for my engagmen party! i hope i will get engaged so soon i really want to wear that dress so badly!! >> and i really want to get married too!!but i want that dress more!!

oh well.. i went to the dentist a while ago and she gave me an appointment on sunday morning! i dont think its a good idea to go back there ! i'm still sore after the last round !! sigh.. if only i was taking care of my self better..
--
everyone is crazy about kat-tun new songs.. i only heard *Dont u ever stop* and i think its somehow cool with jin's HELL YEAH!!
the PV is out too i think.. i saw a little preview of it and it's good !!
i talked so much ! i'm going to stop now!

Me & Myself..

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 11:22:48 GMT

i really need to rant about how misrable my life is again...i just need to.. i'm so depressed to the point that i had an urge to scream but I CANT .. i can't say how much i hate not having control over my stupid useless life... i hate it.. i feel so restless lately.. but i have to do my best not to show that.. i'm tired of pretending that i'm not bothered at all.. will to tell the truth i don't think pretending will work for me anymore i know i'm really exposed to everyone .. anyone can see how lifeless i am.. my *loving* family isen't making it any easier for me too..
gosh.. sometimes i'm desperate enough to wish that i had the power to vanish into thin air..or at least be someone else.. dammit .. i dan't want to deal with this life anymore.. it's useless anyway .. i want this life to end .. now.. why am i so weak and helpless? whats the point from living...

Me & Myself

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:03:23 GMT

i finally found the courage to watch the last episode of One pound Gospel!!
and god it was CUTE! CUTE! CUTE! really CUTE! the cutest episode in the show!! i love Sister Angela!! she is so pertty !! the Ending was perfect and happy ^_^ i can never think of any ending other than this one^_^
and the last scene of newlywed kousako and angela /awww*hearts everywhere!!* the cutest thing ever!! sigh happily!!
--
okaaay.. i'm totally free again! *ugh* nothing to watch!!
Gokusen3 is going to be aired this April..mybe i'm going to watch it *UGH!*
--
about the last rumor of kame and kyonkyon breakup..they were triyng to conceal everything by telling us it was just a rumor and kame was seeing kyon to ask her for fashion advise!! will some people are stupid enough to belive that!! saying that kame will never lie and just have faith in him!! will appearntly he DID lie after all ! and i'm happy now that i've finally know the truth and no more hiding *because it rally get on my nerves to think i'm stupid enough to belive this!* i got into lots of fights because of that.. i love kame too but i don't get why some people were actually ok with his relationship with a woman TWICE his age!! and they said that they support kame with whatever he chooses! no way i'm seeing him THROW his life and his future and do you want me to support him on this!! i'm against this relationship becase i love him ! will whatever.. this relationship is over *will i hope so* ..
but the rumor said more than that .. he is thinking about retiring after he turned 29!! he thinks he is not a good actor .. and he want to open a gift shop ..
(why not open a gift shop now? why wait until you turn 29?) will kame seemed really lost there.. but poor thing.. i dident know he was suffering like this (is it because of the low ratings of his dramas??) i dont get the japanese audince!! really!!
i'm really curious what kame is doing now .. this rumor about him is flying everywhere .. nothing new about him since March 21st.. i hope he is doing ok.. and i hope he is moving on now.. (hope he is with a good hot 20years old GIRL) somewhere!!
--
i'm now listinig to The Pussycat Dolls - Beep its really cool! i keep repeating it over and over!!

Me & Myself..

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 08:54:02 GMT

my internet died last week, it was horrible! i felt really really lonely! thank god it did come to life again ^_^.. anyway.. tomorrow i'm going to my cusin's 2nd engagment party, she is 18 years old.. poor thing.. i hope she will be happy this time..
--
i feel empty for some reason..? mybe it's because the last episode of 1 pound Gospel is out now!!
i always watch the episodes before they were subbed on youtube.. but now i decided to wait until the subbed version will come out!! and even though i'm really afraid to watch it!! sigh... !!
now i'm just being pathatic like always ! but really i feel lonely and empty now! it will be a very long time before kame will act in a drama again ToT..
and especially that he is doing dream boys nowadays.. last year he only made an appearince in koki's drama tokyo tanaka3 go and DBS play , i'm afraid he will do it again this year.. i mean after the DBS play will end he wont make any appearince until mybe next year!!?? NOOO!!
what am i going to do until next year!!??? SOMEBODY in KAT-TUN MUST act in a new drama right now! and its better be either kame or jin or both ! or else!! .. aaaah i need to get my life back ! this emptiness is becoming such a pain in the ass !.. sigh..
but i still look forward to see kame and jin acting as criminal( will they both mentioned that they want to act as criminals or some bad guys or someone with odd quirks..)
sigh.. if only I could write scripts for both of them ! i will let jin be the hero and he was forced to ba a yakuza to get revenge from the yakuza leader who killed his whole family and burned thier house!! and i will make kame be the leaders son who is secretly have a crush on jin!! and in the end he will sacrafies his life to help him!! *mybe i should write a fic?! *
ugh .. i'm going to shut up!

Me and Myself 2008...?

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 12:16:32 GMT

OMG YAMAPI !! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!!
DAMMIT!! people who don't understand what the hell i'm talking about please look for yamapi's latest news!! Ugh! i can't even go back to put the link !!
so disgusting !! i cant stand looking at him again!! i need a break !!
my biggest fears now is that kame and jin will do the same THING?!! NOOOOO!
but i cant see why there're not doing it!! especially kame!! now that he is working out like hell so this is a perfect opportunity to show off his new body!! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Me & Myself

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 11:33:07 GMT

ok.. *wipe the dust from my lj!*
it's been a while since i wrote anything here in my lj, not if there is anything new! *ah i feel sorry for anyone who is reading this now!*
i'm really deprissed about lots of things now.. my life seems empty .. last week was really painful for me , b\c i diden't got accepted in that stupid collage again *even with my dad's help i couldent get in.. i felt really terrible about that..and when i started to feel a little better , here i am .. sick as hell .. got this awful headach and stupid flu! ugh..this sucks..
i desperatly had this urge to scream or at least i want to be someone else now..or just simply die !! it's hard for me to see everyone go on with there lives .. but i'm the only one stuck there.. i tried everything to *have a life again* but i failed .. there are sometimes in my previous life when i get bored or depressed i just go the mall and buy something new ! it always worked to make me feel better.. but when i tried that now i end up broke.. i barely had money to buy a new dress to that stupid wedding party next sunday.. ugh..
i feel awful.. i hate that... i'm alone in thise.. nobody can notice my suffring.. it's just too sad...

Finally ...!

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 02:51:02 GMT

ok i'm late.. but yesterday was the Big day! i've been waiting for months! now i have to wait just a little longer!
^^
i'm talking about Kame's new Winter Drama ^_^ yesterday was the 1st episode <3 it's out now people can downlad it from d-addict, but the problem is .. it's RAW :( *tears of frustration!* people who dont understand japanese or thier japanses is lousy like me will have to wait until the subbed version will come out (DAMMIT!) i can't wait i want to watch it now! i've been waiting for so long! (poor me !)..
actually i've been waiting for alot of things lately.. and now my prayers were answered !
i just have to wait just a little longer ..(UGH!)..

it's so typical from me ! i keep asking for things and they all come im the same time ! so i end up confused!
will thank god i don't have anything important right now so i'm Free to enjoy all of my favourite Dramas ^_^
(i just hope this will happen soon ... Ugh !)

Me & Myself

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 02:42:04 GMT

it's 5:29 am.. there is lots of things going on my head right now...
all are negative things.. mixed feelings... i hate it..
i'm so pissed .. mom and i just had a little talk .. the way she looked at me.. it's so painful.. she knows everything about me.. but it hurts to know that she can't protect me.. i hate it.. it's not fair... why ? how did things turned out that way?! what did i do ?
it's not fair.. it's not fair.. oh god..

Me and Myself 2008...?

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 04:13:01 GMT

i'm in the mood for ranting again!!

3 days until the begining of the new year... why do i feel so awkward now..?? Ugh.. i still feel sad that this year is about to end.. i really don't know why :(
most people are excited now , buying gifts.. congratulating each other.. some are actually planing how are they going to spend this year... me?... i'm LOST in the middle of NOTHING...
will.. i kinda had a couple of things that i'm looking forward to in the year 2008(it's a good start? nee~)
FIRST: i'm really looking forward to watch Kame's new drama 1 pound of Gospel ,oh January 12th ! come quick!! i even marked my calender ! still 16 days until then ^_^ (( i really hope it's worth the wait, i was as excited as now about yukan club .. and in the end i was really disappointed i stop watching after the 5th episode.. :( i really really REALLY don't want this to happen with kame's drama .. will i'm not sure about the story and the cast until now.. i'm watching this just for kame ^_^.. still hope it'll turn out really good.. not just for us to enjoy.. abviously they (and by they i mean kame and the staff) worked really hard for this drama.. so i hope everything turn out really great.. otherwise it'll be really painful for us.. and for them (kame and the staff!).. poor thing... i think i'll talk about Kat-tun and kame in the rest of my entries , because abviously my brain is shut down completely and i kinda lost contact with the outside world ! not to mention that i'm lonely as hell nowadays .. and these lovely human beings are my heaven now ^_^
anyway .. the 2nd thing i'm loking forward to is .. studying mybe..??! i'm not sure until now but i'll try my best to get my life back ! UGH nevermind..
i'll stop right here !

Writer's Block: A Holiday Memory

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 00:47:12 GMT

i saw Nansy Ajram!!

Me & Myself

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 03:41:39 GMT

Ooookay..
haven't wrote anything sence ages! will my life is boring and there is nothing good happning anyway .. i'll write because i feel like writing..(i pity the person who is reading thise now!!) Ugh..

today i'll be reallly busy.. tomorrow we are celebrating Eid, i hate my hair!! i decided to change the colour of my hair a few days ago.. i miss my black hair! i look horrible with brown hair now!! i wonder what everyone will going to say about my new hair colour?? .. will it's not my first time, i dyed my hair before ( i dyed it silver) everyone liked it.. they said it totally suit me.. and made me look like a celebrity^_^ but the colour was strong i started to loose hair really soon .. *damn that good for nothing hair!*

Me & Myself

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 12:00:53 GMT

aaah.. it's December... it's the final month this year.. soon ..2007 will be over.. :( .. i don't know why i'm sighing so much.. it's not like this year was anything special to me.. but lots of things happened.. it was a very long year.. it's sad to know that soon.. very soon it'll be over... :(
i don't think i'll be used to say 2008 so easy, 2006 ended very fast i cant remeber any memories happened that year.. i don't know what will happen in future.. i can't imagin what will happened to me.. i wonder how am i going to be like after 10 years..? i'll be 32 .. how am i going to be like? will i be married then? if so do i have any kids? i wonder what kind of life i'll be living ??mybe i'll get into collage somehow and i'll be having a decent job!!
mybe i'll be famous writer or anything?! ... or mybe none of the above because i'll be dead after 10 years.. !!??? thinking about the future ??.. i know i always had that blank image wich make me wonder about things like that.
i'm wondering about my day now!! how am i going to spend this day?
is there any happy news i'll be recieving in the next 11 hours before my day ends?!! still wondering...^_^

Me & Myself

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 00:08:54 GMT

aaah.. it's 2:35 AM .. what am i doing now..? i'm listining to an extremly sad song .. i just downloaded it in my cellphone..i'm into sad songs lately.. (you don't have to ask why..) but it's so mellow ..(i had this feeling like i'm about to cry but i'm holding my tears ) i don't cry much .. yes at times i get too depressed and desperate .. but i rarely shed a tear.. i'm a cancer after all .. ! but there is times i cry very hard because of things that is extremly stupid! (it sound stupid to others ..but for me it's really really important..) .. will who cares .. anyway..
i had an urge to go somewhere far far away !.. i want to fly to some completly diffrent country.. anything will do ! ( i never left Saudi Arabia in mylife..) i really want to visit other countries.. like Italy? or Japan ? (the places that i really want to go the most right now) .. i want to go to France too.. and i want to go to Canada.. i want to go really bad... :( but i don't think i'll ever get the chance to see these places befor i die! (mybe if i married sombody who is filthy rich! which is impossible!!) and it's impossible too with my family.. it's not like i never go to places.. last summer we went to Makkah and Jeddah.. with my father.. it was somehow fun.. but i was lonely most of the time... it's only me and my little bro ..we dident left SA since we were born! all my brothers did.. and my parents too.. but me and him we dident go anywhere.. :(
poor us... i wish i could go alone! i want to abandon everything and fly and never come back!! if only .. i was .. a boy .. :(
i think the fact that i'm a girl..i'll never experiance lots of things.. just because of that.. it's really cruel ........ :(